Few of us like conflict especially the anticipation of it knowing that we have to stand up in a meeting and disagree with someone who will react negatively. The best way to deal with this is to reframe it, treat it as a learning and growing experience. We are lost if we cannot handle difficult situations if we dare not criticise that person who pushes in, complain about poor service, the noisy person in the cinema. I can generally navigate situations using diplomacy and charm but run into a brick wall if I run into a really difficult or obnoxious person so this is an area I have to work on..
I’m currently working in an office where biscuits and cakes are often available. I was being teased for eating the most. This annoyed me because while I enjoyed the first few I got decreasing pleasure from the remainder. Then one day I just decided enough was enough l would just decide how many biscuits I would eat and just stick to it. This worked and and to my surprise I took pleasure in my self control and that this pleasure was greater than the very temporary pleasure of eating.
Curiously I’ve been recently been (re)listening to Brian Tracy (Eat that Frog) and a few other gurus and they insist on this type of self control being the first step towards any kind of success in life . But previously I didn’t think I was capable of that kind of self-discipline, that meant that if ever I’d set myself a discipline-based goal I’d started off not believing it possible. What you have to do is build-up your self-discipline muscles little by little, set yourself silly targets and reach them e.g. I won’t watch a certain TV program until I’ve not smoked for 2 days, not eaten chocolate for 3 days, learned 20 Spanish words etc. Just try it, just believe it and you too can taste the pleasure of not eating cake!
I’ve been going crazy for TED talks recently there are over 1500 available on YouTube. TED stands for Technology Entertainment Design the talks are delivered by experts from many fields. TED is possibly the most incredible inspiration resource ever. There’s something for everyone, go on now over to YouTube or TEDs own website.
Here are some of my favorites!
The Science of Willpower: Kelly McGonigal at TEDxBayArea
Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life
Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke of insight
http://mashable.com/2013/07/08/ted-talks-change-your-life/ (not my list but a good start)
Andy Shaw maintains that the real reason why so many of us fail to succeed is because we are infected with too many bugs. These bugs are created by all the past failures and disappointments we have experienced. He then provides a way of removing these bugs so that your mind is uncluttered and able to fully focus on your dream projects. I am following his course on YouTube l’m not all the way through yet but he’s got some good insights l’ll keep you informed.
The gurus often say that most people subconsciously avoid success that may seem strange to those of us desperate to make our mark. But let’s take an example you want to lose weight well you know what to do don’t you? You know which foods you mustn’t eat simple but you carry right on don’t you. Same with getting fit you know how many days you must go to the gym but after a few weeks you start slipping. Well its the same with success you know what you’ve got to do but you don’t do it. When it’s put like that it doesn’t seem so crazy does it. Take me I know I must focus on my core skills and put all my efforts into one or most two projects but what do I actually do? Well I keep adding extra ones. I’ve 20 websites 3 or 4 of them do quite well but i know that should have one brilliant one. I’ve got 3 or 4 little side businesses but same thing I should have one excellent one. So that’s it I’ve learned my lesson I’m going to slim down my activities and bring laser focus to the ones the that are left.
So do you recognize yourself here are you spreading yourself too thin
I’m not yet fully successful because there is still too large a gap between what I plan to do and what I actually achieve. Blog posts I write in my head but never publish. Joblists that never get finished, deadlines missed, work brought home which never leaves my briefcase.
Well you have an Epiphany when you try to put of your best clothes and they no longer fit:- and you decide that’s enough I’m no longer prepared to hide from the fact that I’m OVER-WEIGHT. Your colleague got a promotion but you didn’t and you decide I’m going to do what ever is necessary to get a promotion next time. You arrive late for a meeting and with the wrong papers somebody laughs and says typical you! you are humiliated and make a vow to yourself ‘this has got to stop! You wake up feeling dreadful because you have drunk too much once again but this time you say that’s enough this has got to change.
St Paul had an Epiphany on the Road to Damascus which changed world history. Epiphanies are powerful moments of realization which us the drive and motivation to CHANGE DIRECTION.
I had one when I flunked college and more recently when a friend I hadn’t seen for years couldn’t hide the fact that he thought I’d put on a lot of weight. The first epiphany transformed me into a good student the second one into a keen runner.
So what epiphanies have you had? or what ones are you waiting for?
When we start to study or to write a report or do our accounts it can appear depressingly hopeless as if an infinity of work and effort stretching over the horizon. This is similar to someone required to peel a heap of potatoes, shell a basin of peas. Yet if you start to do these culinary tasks you are surprised how quickly your heap of prepared peas or potatoes increases AND that this automatically gives you the encouragement to continue and complete the task.
We all know this of course but when we have to do conventional tasks it is often not so easy to notice that we are making progress and the to do pile is diminishing. Yet we must learn to just begin forbidding tasks it is therefore useful if we have been taught patience at a young age well girls usually are (or may be used to be).
I blog more about why shelling peas gives women so many advatanges in creating businesses here Why Women Are Doing So Well Starting Businesses
I’m tired after work but I go down the gym anyway,have a good workout , afterwards I eat a supper of fresh vegetables and fruit I feel great- that’s a virtuous circle. OR . I feel too unfit to go the gym so I eat a whole tube of icecream in front of the television, I feel miserable and unhappy – that’s a vicious circle.
Unfortunately it is not soo easy to get from one state to the other. A series of knocks can cause people to descend from the virtuous circle to the vicious and that without them hardly realizing it. People sometimes escape from a vicious circle when something good happens to them a new job or relationship and then once again without them hardly noticing it. But wouldn’t it better if we could control this transition ourselves primarily in the positive direction. If you are in a vicious circle you have start by shaking things up a little, what sport or hobby can you take up, what will give you some passion. You’ve may be got to something that’s the opposite of what you believed before.
I think you will like this; my friend TomButler-Bowdon’s latest book is a sensible and encouraging treatise on how frequently people find success late in life. Patience!
In fact forty and above seems to be best age. This brand new book contains many surprising revelations about the rocky road to greatness. Click Never To Late To be Great to read more.