I’ve only just discovered controversial Jordan Peterson but whatever anyone might think he has a number of interesting and radical ideas. The first point or rule which really struck me was that you could define someone’s success by the number of uncomfortable conversations they were prepared to have. I take this to mean sorting out issues as soon as they occur and not hoping they blow over. That’s explaining to a colleague that his behaviour is making work difficult for you, going to your boss to ask him about the funny comment he made about you in meeting., daring to ask for a raise or a promotion. Also in the private sphere approaching your noisy neighbour and dealing with family issues. note this is different from being awkward and argumentative.
If you grew up in a household where money was an issue you likely find it hard to throw stuff away. But malfunctioning equipment harms your efficiency. Difficult to use equipment or no longer waterproof if you tolerate this it’s a sign that you also tolerate your own personal inefficiencies. You know what I mean a zip that gets stuck, a mower that doesn’t always start, a scissors that is getting blunt. all this is distracting and demotivating.
You the know the scenario you think I’ll quickly mow the lawn then I’ll get that report written but what happens the mower won’t start, you spend half the day trying to fix it, demoralised you never get to even start your report.
Develop the discipline of not tolerating faults in your equipment or yourself.
It has always seemed to me to be remarkable that when I go on a long walk or cycle that no matter how tough the conditions I am sure to complete my circuit. I mean just because I’ve had enough or I’m tired or hungry I’m never just going to sit down on the side of the road and sulk. My pride is also at stake I always finish. So why if I’ve decided I’m finally going to write another chapter of my book or complete my tax return that it’s so easy at the first difficulty to suddenly find I’m sitting in front of the television watching Storage Wars?
Why aren’t I more prideful? Well many of us have a lifetime of procrastinating and abandoning unpleasant tasks it’s maybe our most ingrained habit. Untraining these habits itakes time and determination but it can be done. This blog is going to be full of tips on how to do this!
T05: When your memory reminds you that something needs doing you must always take an immediate action no matter how small, of course you are currently busy on another task so how do you deal with it? You diary it or you take the file out that you need to complete or you email someone. What you have to is advance or facilitate it before you return to your current task. What is the price of not doing this? Well our subconscious mind thinks well I told him but he didn’t seem to think it important. Next thing we forgot to do the thing and when we start our project find we’ve forgotten the map, dossier, equipment, report etc etc.
I have a shed full of bad habits but one of the most annoying ones is absent mindedly putting things down anywhere, phones, pens, wallets, glasses and worst of all keys! I’ve wasted so much time looking for stuff that I had in my hands minutes before.
So what are the solutions? In your own home it’s easy enough everything must have its exact place and I mean exact then you discipline yourself to never make exceptions. The longterm solution however is to learn to intercept your unconscious putting down reflex and make it a conscious process,
should I be putting the object down at all
if so is this is the correct location
if so memorise the action and place.
It’s tough to break lifetime bad habits but it can and in this case must be done, it’s another sign that you aren’t really in control of yourself
101 Success Tips on Twitter I am reissuing my famous 101 Tips every fews on Twitter. This will allow me to re-edit ,reorder them, weed out any weaker ones and so on. There in fact over 150 tips so if I whittle that list back down to 101 tips we’ll only get the best one
If you could look into the minds of the truly successful the first thing you’d notice is that they are continuously planning ahead, what they will be doing in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days ahead, what resources they’ll need, what instructions they need to give to others. Look in to the minds of the rest of us and you’ll see people worrying about past mistakes, missed opportunities, failures, all of which is at best unproductive . So when for instance you drive home after work is your evening fully planned do you even know what you want to do or do you project undertaking a hopeless number of tasks?
If you have decided you deserve the evening off so you can catch up on a movie or watch the ball-game that’s great as well but what you mustn’t do is plan to get your tax paperwork sorted out but not get it sorted out, not watch the ball game and end up instead watching reality TV. This kind of indiscipline happens to millions every day and contributes to them never achieving their dreams.
It takes an iron will or good planning to change from failure to success mode. One trick is set yourself small goals until you develop your self-discipline muscles.
Few of us like conflict especially the anticipation of it knowing that we have to stand up in a meeting and disagree with someone who will react negatively. The best way to deal with this is to reframe it, treat it as a learning and growing experience. We are lost if we cannot handle difficult situations if we dare not criticise that person who pushes in, complain about poor service, the noisy person in the cinema. I can generally navigate situations using diplomacy and charm but run into a brick wall if I run into a really difficult or obnoxious person so this is an area I have to work on..
I’m currently working in an office where biscuits and cakes are often available. I was being teased for eating the most. This annoyed me because while I enjoyed the first few I got decreasing pleasure from the remainder. Then one day I just decided enough was enough l would just decide how many biscuits I would eat and just stick to it. This worked and and to my surprise I took pleasure in my self control and that this pleasure was greater than the very temporary pleasure of eating.
Curiously I’ve been recently been (re)listening to Brian Tracy (Eat that Frog) and a few other gurus and they insist on this type of self control being the first step towards any kind of success in life . But previously I didn’t think I was capable of that kind of self-discipline, that meant that if ever I’d set myself a discipline-based goal I’d started off not believing it possible. What you have to do is build-up your self-discipline muscles little by little, set yourself silly targets and reach them e.g. I won’t watch a certain TV program until I’ve not smoked for 2 days, not eaten chocolate for 3 days, learned 20 Spanish words etc. Just try it, just believe it and you too can taste the pleasure of not eating cake!
I’ve been going crazy for TED talks recently there are over 1500 available on YouTube. TED stands for Technology Entertainment Design the talks are delivered by experts from many fields. TED is possibly the most incredible inspiration resource ever. There’s something for everyone, go on now over to YouTube or TEDs own website.
Here are some of my favorites!
The Science of Willpower: Kelly McGonigal at TEDxBayArea
Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life
Jill Bolte Taylor’s stroke of insight
http://mashable.com/2013/07/08/ted-talks-change-your-life/ (not my list but a good start)
You know the situation you are unexpectedly introduced to someone potentially important to you, you exchange a few politenesses, then there is an embarrassed pause and one of you moves on: the moment is lost. Bridging is a valuable technique used by salesmen to keep conversations going. Here are the main bridges:- Meaning…? For Example…? […]
